It’s unlikely there is anyone around here that has not used Amazon to order stuff, or at least has heard of it. It's the Sears catalog of the modern age and those of you old enough to recall such a book know how many hours we all spent perusing the pages of wishes. And no matter how much was in those old catalogs, Amazon and the internet have made them pale in comparison as now the choices are endless and the delivery almost flawless. And having said that, regardless of the times my packages somehow do not arrive, Ol’ Dutch has had pretty good luck so far. Well, until last week.

Son #1 let me know early this summer that he won a trip to New Mexico with a bunch of professional elk callers called Yah. Look it up. These guys don’t guide you to elk, but they coach you how to call and what the elk are saying, particularly the females. If only there was someone like that for us humans so that we could learn what the female of our species is saying, the world would line right up for that knowledge.

In the ensuing conversations with these boys, I soon found out that I, too, am invited along on said trip as a caller and I think even more so as a pack mule when they are successful. They suggested that I bring the ATV and so a quick inspection of said scooter showed that new tires were in order so as to not have a flat in some far away foreign land across the border. Lucky for me Miss Trixie had been ordering tires like that for friends here in South Fork and so a simple click of a button got them on the way here from Ching Chong somewhere.

Ol’ Dutch waited with bated breath (Miss Trixie said it smelled like that too) for the arrival of said rubbers and when they came, only two showed up. Long conversations ensued with the phone support team in New Delhi, India and soon a new set was on the way…they said. Again, only two arrived and since they were the same two front tires as before, I could not combine them for a set of four. At which point I had to bring in the big guns of the return world and get Miss Trixie involved. I don't know if you know her but when she gets on a mission it's like a bulldog who won't let go and what ensued was some very direct and sharp conversations with the folks at Amazon to get this corrected.

From the other room, I could hear telling the folks what was acceptable to her and, by extension “us,” I guess. Resolution was soon at hand.

Which got me to thinking — a dangerous situation for Ol’ Dutch according to Miss Trixie — that as long as she is yelling at them, she is leaving me alone and so I am going to be ordering a lot more hunting and fishing gear just to keep the peace in our family.

Miss Trixie is my own Amazonian woman both in stature and in deed; I do love that woman. I can recall when first meeting her that, unlike some little stick figure of a woman who sat at home knitting doilies, Miss Trixie would be a great help in hauling out elk, bear and deer from the forest. So, I quickly tricked her into coming along on the journey with me, which has worked out just right so far.

She’ll be missed on the hunt in New Mexico, but it's a men-only trip as the other guys just don't know a good pack mule when they see one. Did that come out right?

If you are wanting to get some excellent advice and coaching on elk hunting in the West, look up and join up to learn all you can about finding elk. It's well worth the $50 and their calls are the easiest to use I have ever found and only $8.60 each. Tell Ole Joe, I sent you.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is Additional news can be found at or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.