Trout Republic

As the loyal followers of this column will remember, last month Miss Trixie and I attended a wedding in Kansas. The venue was really something.
It was an old dairy barn that had been converted into an event destination resplendent with kitchen, dressing rooms, rest rooms, meeting rooms and of course, a bar. I found out later it also has a camera in every corner and two in between so they can strategically record any shenanigans and protect against lawsuits for said actions by patrons.
It was a nice place and as the drinks flowed that night people came up with the idea that Ol’ Dutch should turn his barn into an event center also and has recorded things best left unsaid or, come to think of it, posted on You Tube.
These people raved about the money I could rake in having weddings lakeside and how the gazebo on the water is picture perfect. And it is.
My friends – and self-appointed financial advisors and career strategists – also pointed out that there is a huge demand in this area for such a place. But, while Ol ‘Dutch doesn’t know much, he does know that there are a lot of slips between the cup and the lip.
That means that between the “I have a great idea” and “You can make a lot of money” there is a lot that has to be done, maintained and paid for. Or, as the above saying implies, if you are not careful you will spill your booze before it makes it to you lips -- which might have been a good thing for some of the attendees.
People tend to want something halfway clean and good parking which is not cheap. They also want to drink like fish mostly and so good insurance is a must to protect oneself against the patrons that fall into the lake and drown or the groom who suddenly thinks riding your bull to be a good idea.
These idea persons are the same people who think Ol’ Dutch should turn the barn into a house as “that’s what they would do” except “they” all currently live in nice houses and would never live in a barn even if push came to shove.
I hear the same talk from them about how lucky I am to live full time in an RV yet they will not sell all their stuff and do it. Grass is always greener. Just ask a cow.
It reminds me of the tiny house craze and people like my aunt who want one although they can’t fit all their current inventory of stuff into the two houses they do own. She just bought a storage building as big as a tiny house. Go figure.
It’s always a good idea for someone else to do all the work around gardening, having cows, chickens, goats, sheep or donkeys, exercise, hiking and marriage.
That’s not to say Ol’ Dutch would be against converting an old barn into a house but not this one. It sits low on the property, has no view, is prone to flooding and smells like cow poop -- not the best smell unless you have 400 cows and the subsequent money that represents.
At least I have a partner in Miss Trixie who is all eager to help. Mostly to the point of distraction. Her “we can do that” is usually translated to “Ol’ Dutch, get ready to do (fill in the blank.)” And the blank can be building a road, a house, shooting wild game, catching cows, fixing the sewer and on and on and on.
Typically female, though, she also feels that she needs to ask over and over for me to do something like caulk the sink. She fails to realize that I heard her four months ago and will get to it when I can.
Being hard of hearing does have its advantages at least in this area as I can ignore either on purpose or by lack of hearing all these helpful suggestions.
It is either that or get new friends and a new Miss Trixie. Better in the end, to keep the ones I have, even with their hair-brained ideas for me.
 
Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.