Ever since Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie rode in the 4th of July Parade last week the invitations to grace social function of all sorts have just been flooding in.
Well, maybe not flooding in. In fact, I guess there has not been even one but that is soon to change when my new promotional information hits the market.
This story begins last fall while I was sojourning in Texas to escape the piles of wintery whiteness that blesses our beloved mountains. Now Ol’ Dutch has long been a peruser of the Internet, Craigslist and now the area Facebook Marketplace.
For those of you unfamiliar with those sales sites of unlimited goodness, they are pages whereby individuals can unload their unwanted items on unsuspecting strangers much like a garage sale with 100,000 visitors.
There is no end to what you can find for sale on there and it’s literally everything from fruit to nuts, bolts to belts, horses, cows, sheep and goats, furniture and autos, boats to boots and everything in between and beyond.
You can find people to clean your house, build a deck, plumb your sewer, wire your lights, haul your trash, dig your ditch and kiss your wife. Well they did ban the last one but you get the idea. You can find any and everything on there.
I have a farm about 40 miles from the sprawling Dallas Metroplex and so with that amount of people there are unlimited opportunities to find what you need about anytime you need it. And for the savvy buyer, an opportunity to make some much needed cash along the way if you can buy low and sell high – or, at least higher.
Last fall Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie found some ground-up asphalt and were able to turn a little profit on that venture before it petered out. I moved on to cattle trailers and boats and before long my property was beginning to resemble Fred Sanford’s junk store from the television sit-com.
But I made some money and had fun doing it which is all that really matters in the end anyway. Returning home to the SLV Valley I have been stymied by the lack of people and hence “stuff” for sale and all summer has been a depressing time as far as buying and selling, let me tell you.
Last week, however, I got the opportunity to practice my sales skills as my friend needed his boat sold and once again the old sales juices began to flow. I got the requisite pictures for the ad and soon was posting sales advertisements across the world wide web.
While every sales person gets excited about a sale I have to admit that selling the boat in less than a day kinda took the wind out of my sales so to speak. My inventory of one boat was suddenly gone and I had nothing to look forward to the next day. Of course Cowboy Larry was thrilled to sell his boat so quickly and his wife his Lovely Cowgirl was counting her money before it even arrived.
Which only got the old blood moving for Ol’ Dutch as there is nothing more fun for me to do than to sell something.  
I was not always this good at selling ‘til someone gave me a few pointers. After a few practice years, it is now said of Ol’ Dutch that he can sell ketchup snowcones to an Eskimo in white gloves.
Last weekend I held an auction and sold off certificates to the first and last pancake off our new griddle, a knife, a dog collar and some knick-knacks at the RV park and we raised enough money to pay for the thing.
So if you need something sold just call my number at BR-549 and I will be glad to work some-thing out with you.
(Poor Miss Trixie’s eyes must be bothering her again, as they are rolling around like marbles.)
As for the forthcoming speaking engagements, they are sure to follow once people realize I can raise money in a fundraising event and include singing, telling corny jokes and emceeing my way to your new monetary goal. Be sure and wear your white gloves to test my sales ability too.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.