The old saying that “he who dies with the most toys wins” rings true to every man in this country. We like our toys and tend to accumulate more with each passing year.
Those among us with money can get new stuff and stack it up around the house or -- in the case of those living in ritzy neighborhoods – keep the mini storage businesses expanding at an alarming rate.
Those without money can still accumulate stuff as there are always men going through divorces who have to get rid of their treasures good, broken or junk.
Garages are packed full of stuff while new cars sit outside in all kinds of weather. Yards are littered with the must-have plastic toy of last month now sitting with a worn-out battery and parts missing here and there.
Ol’ Dutch is not immune to this disease of accumulating tonnage either. Before I had the farm I had no place to put anything and so the temptation was avoided as I could not find another man willing to store something for me.
The farm’s large barn, though, has opened up a whole new can of worms in opportunities and Ol’ Dutch is doing his best to fill the massive barn with toys long lost to the chasm of divorce.
A tractor was needed for farm use and I had to have implements to go with that like a weed sprayer, mower, post hole digger and a box blade to keep up with the work now created by ownership of said acreage. That is all essential equipment not toys, right?
Even though buying a backhoe fulfilled a lifelong dream, it is still more of a necessity than a luxury and can’t be counted in the man toy department, no matter what Miss Trixie says.
A friend of mine has long been a collector of toys and stuff and his 13 utility trailers may make him king of the mountain in that regard. That and four boats, two tractors, two houses, sheds, storage buildings, four ATVs and tools to die for make him a definite winner.
But you see I am not like him or Uncle Sy there in South Fork because I “need” this stuff as opposed to them just wanting it. You can surely see the difference. And if you do, will you please explain that to Miss Trixie who has perfected eye rolling to a tee of late.
No man can successfully run an operation like mine without equipment and it suddenly dawned on me the other day that I need a utility trailer to haul hay to the large cattle herd I have. I mean after all a man that can increase his herd by a third in one year is a leader in the field for sure but Miss Trixie says going from two to three cows is not a big deal. Poor city girl does not understand herd management. And it dawned on me also that a stock trailer and backhoe trailer sure would be nice too.
I told Miss Trixie she is lucky to have a man with a barn to hide his stuff. Otherwise, we would be like the other folks who have piled their stuff around their homes and begin to look like Fred Sanford’s place on television. The other downside of having your stuff out in the open is that “the wife” knows how much is stacking up thereby endangering a man’s future purchases. And, that’s just not right.
Bubs, Ol’ Dutch’s son, is starting to get a collection of toys out in his yard, too. Knowing the marital woes this can cause, Ol’ Dutch stepped in to help him reduce some tonnage by selling an old boat. It took a sunny afternoon and one hour to make the deal. Tinkerbell, Bubs’ wife, was happy as a lark and will be until she learns we got a new chain saw with the money.
For you see a man has to keep a balance in the world and if you get rid of too many toys the earth may start to wobble and there is nothing worse than a wobbly earth.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.