New cash crop may help shortages


The toilet paper shortages that have accompanied the Coronavirus pandemic have left many wishing it  could grow on trees. While many are still suffering and looking into alternatives such as bidets, a team of scientists, botanists, and agronomists have started looking into just that: growing toilet paper on trees.
Through genetic engineering at a cellular level, the scientists have been able to develop a seed from the fibers of a square of toilet paper.
“This will revolutionize not only the toilet paper industry, but how the whole world does its business,” stated lead botanists Ima Kidding. Kidding shared how the new crop will be far more sustainable and earth friendly, then previous alternatives.
One of the challenges the new crop poses is the harvesting process. The fibers of the TP are very delicate and will have to be hand-picked and then processed into different plies. After they are plied, they will have to be rolled.
“Operating a toilet paper farm will be very costly if each roll must be done by hand,” stated economist John Spoof, “And producing 2 ply varieties will increase costs even further.”
 Although the new crop is still being developed and unfortunately will not be ready in time to help with the current shortages, they hope it will help prevent potential shortages in the future.
“The shortages caused by the current pandemic, have made it clear what we cannot live without,” said Kidding. According to Kidding the scientists hope to have the new crop ready for commercial growers by 2034.
Happy April Fool’s Day! Keep your spirits up!


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